I know what you are thinking, but Ed I thought all married couples were blissfully happy. Well I am here to tell you that every, and I do mean every couple has fights, tiffs, arguments and times when the just simply wished that they weren't married.
Now if you’re married you know EXACTLY what I mean, if you are single I just left you scratching your head and saying what? So for the purpose of educating those who are not married, the perspective I am going to break down in this piece is geared toward those who are single.
First I would like to point out that I do not know where the idea that marriage will solve a number of your problems came from, but I do know that it is a popular point of view. So I want to set the record straight. People; and by people I mean everyone, are unique. Each one of us has different likes, hopes, dreams, opinions and ways of doing things that are different from anyone else in the world. This fact means that we will never ever see eye to eye with anyone. Sure we can agree on basic principles, even share a like or two, but when it comes down to who you are and understanding all of your idiosyncrasies no one on Earth will be able too.
Now given this revelation, how do you possibly believe that given the number of people you will meet in your lifespan and corner of the world that you could find someone, anyone who would understand all of those things and be okay with them on a permanent basis? You simply can’t, and if you believe you can you are deluding yourself and setting both you and your future partner a standard that you will never be able to attain.
So now that I have established that everyone is different and we will never be able to marry ourselves, hear is the bottom line. People who spend time with one another will eventually disagree and even fight. Now we all know that this is unavoidable, but the question remains what do we do after? Some people clam up and don’t talk for a while, there are others that want to talk everything out and then there is me, I want not only talk, but set the record straight, explain things until they are dead and or fix everything right away on the spot so we can get on with the good stuff.
Now I am not saying which way is right, but I am sure we can agree that reconciliation is what usually happens after a fight in most marriages. I know personally for myself; I feel a stronger urge then most to get back to that place as soon as possible. But I want you to think for a moment, perhaps about the last fight you had with your spouse or perhaps your best friend if you are single. What was the feeling you had before you began to patch things up? Or better yet why did you even feel the need to patch things up, after all your view point is still your viewpoint right? You didn't crumble and change your view point did you? Perhaps, but that is not the important question here. The important question is what was driving that need to reconcile?
I know for myself I have a strong need for my wife to forgive me, I mean she did profess to love me at the alter right? Shouldn't that statement of love be bigger, greater and stronger than any slight that I may have committed against her? But that is the very paradox here, we are imperfect, and the love we profess is imperfect even though we wish it was not. Even the need for forgiveness that I have is imperfect, because although I may not know it at the time I am looking for that all-encompassing, all correcting, all forgiving love that will block out all of my mistakes. I am sure if you thought about it a bit more, it’s what you want too. Phrases like I want to be accepted for who I am, and I want to be understood, are simply the top layers of what we really want which is to be forgiven for every error and mistake.
Here is the difficult part, your spouse or your best friend can’t give you what you want. That forgiveness you are seeking can only come from a single source. That source is the one true and pure love, which only comes from the perfection of God and specifically from his son, Jesus. The bible states, that no greater lover is there than a man lay down his life for a friend. And that is exactly what Jesus did for you and for me.
So the next time you fight, and I know you will. Remember that it doesn't matter that you are right or wrong, what matters is that the forgiveness you both need, and seek can only be found in Jesus.
Now if you’re married you know EXACTLY what I mean, if you are single I just left you scratching your head and saying what? So for the purpose of educating those who are not married, the perspective I am going to break down in this piece is geared toward those who are single.
First I would like to point out that I do not know where the idea that marriage will solve a number of your problems came from, but I do know that it is a popular point of view. So I want to set the record straight. People; and by people I mean everyone, are unique. Each one of us has different likes, hopes, dreams, opinions and ways of doing things that are different from anyone else in the world. This fact means that we will never ever see eye to eye with anyone. Sure we can agree on basic principles, even share a like or two, but when it comes down to who you are and understanding all of your idiosyncrasies no one on Earth will be able too.
Now given this revelation, how do you possibly believe that given the number of people you will meet in your lifespan and corner of the world that you could find someone, anyone who would understand all of those things and be okay with them on a permanent basis? You simply can’t, and if you believe you can you are deluding yourself and setting both you and your future partner a standard that you will never be able to attain.
So now that I have established that everyone is different and we will never be able to marry ourselves, hear is the bottom line. People who spend time with one another will eventually disagree and even fight. Now we all know that this is unavoidable, but the question remains what do we do after? Some people clam up and don’t talk for a while, there are others that want to talk everything out and then there is me, I want not only talk, but set the record straight, explain things until they are dead and or fix everything right away on the spot so we can get on with the good stuff.
Now I am not saying which way is right, but I am sure we can agree that reconciliation is what usually happens after a fight in most marriages. I know personally for myself; I feel a stronger urge then most to get back to that place as soon as possible. But I want you to think for a moment, perhaps about the last fight you had with your spouse or perhaps your best friend if you are single. What was the feeling you had before you began to patch things up? Or better yet why did you even feel the need to patch things up, after all your view point is still your viewpoint right? You didn't crumble and change your view point did you? Perhaps, but that is not the important question here. The important question is what was driving that need to reconcile?
I know for myself I have a strong need for my wife to forgive me, I mean she did profess to love me at the alter right? Shouldn't that statement of love be bigger, greater and stronger than any slight that I may have committed against her? But that is the very paradox here, we are imperfect, and the love we profess is imperfect even though we wish it was not. Even the need for forgiveness that I have is imperfect, because although I may not know it at the time I am looking for that all-encompassing, all correcting, all forgiving love that will block out all of my mistakes. I am sure if you thought about it a bit more, it’s what you want too. Phrases like I want to be accepted for who I am, and I want to be understood, are simply the top layers of what we really want which is to be forgiven for every error and mistake.
Here is the difficult part, your spouse or your best friend can’t give you what you want. That forgiveness you are seeking can only come from a single source. That source is the one true and pure love, which only comes from the perfection of God and specifically from his son, Jesus. The bible states, that no greater lover is there than a man lay down his life for a friend. And that is exactly what Jesus did for you and for me.
So the next time you fight, and I know you will. Remember that it doesn't matter that you are right or wrong, what matters is that the forgiveness you both need, and seek can only be found in Jesus.
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