Sometimes fights in a marriage can point to God

I know what you are thinking, but Ed I thought all married couples were blissfully happy. Well I am here to tell you that every, and I do mean every couple has fights, tiffs, arguments and times when the just simply wished that they weren't married.

Now if you’re married you know EXACTLY what I mean, if you are single I just left you scratching your head and saying what? So for the purpose of educating those who are not married, the perspective I am going to break down in this piece is geared toward those who are single.

First I would like to point out that I do not know where the idea that marriage will solve a number of your problems came from, but I do know that it is a popular point of view. So I want to set the record straight. People; and by people I mean everyone, are unique. Each one of us has different likes, hopes, dreams, opinions and ways of doing things that are different from anyone else in the world. This fact means that we will never ever see eye to eye with anyone. Sure we can agree on basic principles, even share a like or two, but when it comes down to who you are and understanding all of your idiosyncrasies no one on Earth will be able  too.

Now given this revelation, how do you possibly believe that given the number of people you will meet in your lifespan and corner of the world that you could find someone, anyone who would understand all of those things and be okay with them on a permanent basis? You simply can’t, and if you believe you can you are deluding yourself and setting both you and your future partner a standard that you will never be able to attain.

So now that I have established that everyone is different and we will never be able to marry ourselves, hear is the bottom line. People who spend time with one another will eventually disagree and even fight. Now we all know that this is unavoidable, but the question remains what do we do after? Some people clam up and don’t talk for a while, there are others that want to talk everything out and then there is me, I want not only talk, but set the record straight, explain things until they are dead and or fix everything right away on the spot so we can get on with the good stuff.

Now I am not saying which way is right, but I am sure we can agree that reconciliation is what usually happens after a fight in most marriages. I know personally for myself; I feel a stronger urge then most to get back to that place as soon as possible. But I want you to think for a moment, perhaps about the last fight you had with your spouse or perhaps your best friend if you are single. What was the feeling you had before you began to patch things up? Or better yet why did you even feel the need to patch things up, after all your view point is still your viewpoint right? You didn't crumble and change your view point did you? Perhaps, but that is not the important question here. The important question is what was driving that need to reconcile?

I know for myself I have a strong need for my wife to forgive me, I mean she did profess to love me at the alter right? Shouldn't that statement of love be bigger, greater and stronger than any slight that I may have committed against her? But that is the very paradox here, we are imperfect, and the love we profess is imperfect even though we wish it was not. Even the need for forgiveness that I have is imperfect, because although I may not know it at the time I am looking for that all-encompassing, all correcting, all forgiving love that will block out all of my mistakes. I am sure if you thought about it a bit more, it’s what you want too. Phrases like I want to be accepted for who I am, and I want to be understood, are simply the top layers of what we really want which is to be forgiven for every error and mistake.

Here is the difficult part, your spouse or your best friend can’t give you what you want. That forgiveness you are seeking can only come from a single source. That source is the one true and pure love, which only comes from the perfection of God and specifically from his son, Jesus. The bible states, that no greater lover is there than a man lay down his life for a friend. And that is exactly what Jesus did for you and for me.

So the next time you fight, and I know you will. Remember that it doesn't matter that you are right or wrong, what matters is that the forgiveness you both need, and seek can only be found in Jesus. 

What I have in common.

There it hung in the last watches of the night as if suspended by invisible thread.

Glaring down at me with silent obedience, full round and perfect.

It's great light a mere powdery reflection of it's symbiotic counter part.

As I watched it wait patiently in the sky for the dawning of the sun I considered it's maker.

What struck me as odd is that even we two shared something other than our presence in that moment.

Although we are much different, I too had been put in place for a season to reflect the glory of another in the darkness and that someone is Jesus.

In the late dark watches of my life I pray that I too can be as obedient and silent as the full moon.

Wayward Plea

Despite my best efforts I lack, Try as I might all my deeds do not stack, Up to the standards for which you have set, My life’s efforts of greed and get, Leave rubble and destruction in its wake, May your will be done in me for your own sake, Take my will and let it be, Always and only for thee, Forgive this fool his wayward path, And guide me with your gentle Sheppard’s staff, To you be all Glory, Honour and Praise, I dedicate my life to you father and all my living days. Amen

I am no longer a captive are you?

 

Breaking the Chain, freeing the Captive.

This past Easter has given me the gift of remembrance, not just of what our Lord and Saviour Jesus did for us, but also why. I know it seems strange but the two are connected, it is just that sometimes we can get wrapped up with one and totally forget the other. As awkward as it is to admit, I forgot the why somewhere along the way.

When Jesus started his ministry his first sermon was all about the why and is documented by Luke:

Luke 4:17-19 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁷ And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,

¹⁸ The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

¹⁹ To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.

This is the first message of hope to all of the world. Christ came to deliver us and set the captive free. The cross itself the end of Jesus' ministry in the physical world is a perfect example of how we can respond to this truth. I am sure that everyone knows about the two other criminals that were crucified with Jesus and that one mocked and scorned him while the other chose to accept Christ for the perfect innocent man/God that he was and asked him to remember him when he came into his kingdom. 

It is the perfect picture of the two options that we have, sometimes this choice is daily, but it boils down to this. We can either choose to acknowledge who we are in light of his presence or we can choose to focus on our current situation and struggle in the darkness alone, lost and afraid. As seen by the one who confessed his guilt before Christ, his faith was justified by Jesus. For he said this very day you will be with me in paradise.

So I remind myself and urge you to do the same, do not focus on where you are and your struggle to fix things yourself. Take that sin, whatever it is that has you captive and acknowledge it. Then acknowledge that Christ and he alone was sent to set the captive free. In order to be freed from darkness we must bring these things to light. The key is to remember the source of our strength, victory and power. It is in Christ and the fact that he died for US. Hallelujah! What a gift, what mercy and grace, what joy.

Philippians 4:13

King James Version (KJV)

¹³ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Once we have brought all of our sin and failure to him then, and only then will we be free. It is good once in a while to remember ourselves as we were when we were children. I am sure each one of us remembers being caught in a lie or other petty, childish behaviour and how good it was to admit it to our parents and the relief that came with being reconciled to them. It is the same with our heavenly father. Repentance can be painful but the joy of reunion far out ways that brief discomfort.

Psalm 55:22

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

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Importance of Prayer and Meditation

Oswald Chambers’s devotional post, "My utmost for his highest," reminded me of the importance of the singular focus required for salvation, and that in all circumstances it is to be found in Christ alone.

"Look to me...," is the phrase he used to press this concept home. If our foundation, heart, motivation, reasoning, hopes, dreams, joys, aspirations, relations and all other emotions/drives are experienced in and through him then living perfectly is no longer inconceivable.

The question then becomes, where is my focus?

Do I seek him in all things/circumstances?

What issues do I struggle with on my own?

When is the last time I put on the armour of God?

All of these questions have a similar bent, which is self-reliance verse, Christ reliance. I don't know when it happened but it was probably slow and gradual like most backslides, I put more trust in me and less in him. Of course the problem with this is that life can quickly spiral out of control and even overwhelm you. Aren't you tired, I know I am. Boy am I glad that he said, "Come to me all ye who are heavily laden and I will give you rest." So in closing I will simply say that prayer and meditation with Christ is the catalyst for a daily renewed focus on God and necessary for true life.